Cum, They Told Me
by DiqazonQueen
Summary: Christmas Eve mass in Gabriel's church takes an unexpected turn.


Eugene awkwardly prodded at his undersized erection as Gabriel wrapped up Christmas Eve mass in his church. Eugene had been told to sit in the back row away from all the others, and seeing the back of Rosita's head from the front row was really getting him going.

Gabriel dismissed the congregation, and Eugene hid in his pew as everyone left in hopes that he could try again to sneak a peek at Rosita's boobies when it was time to feed baby Coco, who had managed to sleep through the entire service because babies don't give a shit about the true meaning of Christmas. Once the church was 97% empty, Gabriel locked the door, and someone knocked shortly after.

"Answer the door, Eugene," the Father snapped as Rosita nursed the baby. "I know you're hiding in that back row." His blind eye started spinning in its socket to indicate his displeasure.

Cowed into complete submission by the angry priest and his eyeball, Eugene crawled out of the pew on his belly and dragged himself to the door, moaning plaintively.

"Faster, fat fuck!" Gabriel yelled.

Eugene finally reached the door, weakly lifted an arm to put his hand on the knob, and pulled it open to reveal Jesus Christ waiting outside in all His brown, bearded, beautiful glory and all His glorious, glorious hair.

"Sorry I'm late, but I don't celebrate Christmas," Siddiq said as he strolled in, only to trip over Eugene's swollen body lying in front of the threshold, now on his back in physical and emotional agony instead of his stomach. The doctor went _oof_ in surprise as he fell on top of Eugene, their faces just centimeters from each other's.

"Oof," commented Rosita as she placed a fed and sleepy Coco in the manger that was part of the church's nativity scene decoration. Eugene and Siddiq were right under the mistletoe, of course.

Siddiq glanced up and took pity on the virginal nerd underneath him. "Should probably warn you all, I've had _way_ too much fucking eggnog." Eugene didn't have a chance to process what was happening before the other man was kissing him passionately. As Eugene didn't know how to properly reciprocate, he just kept on alternating between nibbling Siddiq's facial hair and licking him directly on the mouth whenever he tried to kiss him back.

"Rinse your mouth out before you kiss me, Siddiq!" Rosita told him as she neared them, stripping out of her holiday clothes. Eugene tried to look, but she kicked him in the head hard with her fancy boot. Gabriel also came up, now wearing just his collar, cautiously stroking his throbbing schlong.

Eugene whimpered, overwhelmed by it all: finally getting kicked in the head by his long-time crush on Christmas Eve while the father of her child was making out with him for some strange reason and her current partner was hovering over them, masturbating. Maybe it was all in the name of the spirit of the season. Eugene suddenly felt an unexpected surge of confidence and ground his bitty baby boner against Siddiq's sizable bulge and sucked on his tongue.

Siddiq sat up with a look of disgust on his handsome face, as though he'd just realized what he was doing. "That's fucking gross, man." He fished a travel-sized bottle of Listerine out of his pocket, gargled, and sprayed the mouthwash back out all over Eugene's face, effectively blinding him. Rosita squirted breast milk into his eyes to ensure that his vision was totally compromised.

Siddiq then turned to Gabriel, and, to the shock of perhaps all four of them, proceeded to begin giving him the blowjob of the century. Gabriel groaned like a bull getting castrated and thought very hard about his flock being eaten by walkers, not daring to look down with his one good eye because he knew it would look like Jesus was sucking him off just in time for His birthday. Siddiq busied one hand with digitally stimulating Rosita and stuck the other down his own pants, leaving Eugene disappointed but not surprised that he was being neglected.

Thanks to Siddiq's incredible and incomparable oral prowess, already familiar to Rosita and now obvious to Gabriel (and Eugene, who could tell what was "going down" despite not being able to see), and the spiritual leader's complete and utter lack of sexual stamina, which was also very familiar to Rosita, he was shooting down Siddiq's throat after less than a minute. The poor doctor immediately gagged and erupted into a coughing fit. He only ceased hacking and spluttering, probably more from the awful taste than the shock of it, after Rosita slapped his back several times.

"Thanks," Siddiq muttered once he could speak again. The two parents shared a long look before Siddiq at last ripped his clothes off and they started going at it right then and there.

Gabriel wasn't a cuck, but he felt like one at that particular moment, and he liked it. His peepee rose to full attention again after receiving the head of his life not even five minutes ago. Eugene, lying blinded on the church floor, couldn't see shit but could hear the telltale sounds of intense lovemaking close by, actually so close that the pair was practically on top of him because Eugene hadn't thought to move from where he lay like a self-loathing beached whale.

Gabriel couldn't take the horniness any longer and seized the perverted bastard's unfortunate braid, hauling him over to the altar by it, where he bent him over.

"Be gentle, it's my first time," Eugene croaked out as Gabriel yanked his cargo shorts down.

For a while, the church echoed with the sounds of slapping skin, moaning and groaning, and a barrage of farts as Eugene lost control of his sphincter. After Siddiq and Rosita got off and off of each other some time later, they thought they heard faint growling and snarling coming from the direction of the altar and headed over to investigate.

Slumped over the altar was the walker of Eugene, snapping at the air with the walker of Gabriel draped over him, the two zombies clearly still ruttin' even in death. Rosita promptly stabbed them both in the head, leaving Dr. Siddiq to figure out how they died. He quickly deduced that their sexual excitement was to blame, possibly making them suffer massive heart attacks that killed them both on the spot.

"Heart attacks during sex are fairly well known in the medical world," Siddiq explained as he and Rosita moved the euthanized corpses over to the nativity scene, planning to dress the bodies up as shepherds and hoping that they would just pass as life-sized decorations for Christmas Day.

Once that was finished, Siddiq and Rosita got dressed, removed a still-sleeping baby Coco from the manger, and went home. It was over. Christmas was saved.

Coco II was born the following September.


End file.
